Saturday, 24 March 2012

Q&A: Guy Friends

Q: As a young woman of 17 I would like to know how to be "just friends" with guys, but don't know how. Any advice? 

A:  It wasn't to long ago when I was navigating through my teen years and into early adult hood. Actually, I still am. Throughout these years the one issue that has always been a mystery is "friendships with guys". How much time should I spend with them? How do these relationships differ from those with my girlfriends? Is is okay to hang out or talk on the phone? I've always wished for a simple set of rules. Just a little list of "do's and dont's" that I could carry with me to refer back to. These rules would guarantee a great outcome, and no longer would I have to worry about that little conscience of mine - however, I've learned that this is a wisdom issue, and that the Bible is the main source for that wisdom.

A verse I often refer to regarding this topic is 1 Timothy 5:1-2 where Paul tells Timothy that he should, “Treat…younger women like sisters, in all purity.” Now if guys are called to treat us as “sisters in all purity,” then we should in turn must act like sisters, in purity! Here within this verse is the wisdom we're looking for. Ask yourselves—do I treat my guy friends as I would my own brother? Am I behaving in absolute purity toward guys?

I also quickly learned that my friendships with guys needed to look rather different than my friendships with girls. I was discussing this topic with a trusted mentor once and they said  "Grace, guys read into things just as much as girls do. When a girl shows consistent attention to one guy, it can cultivate affection in that guy’s heart." While I may have been considering my guy friends as brothers, they quite possibly could have been thinking that there was something more. I also remember having someone tell me to relate to all guys as "another woman's husband."  I found this little phrase to be very helpful in relating to my guy friends.

All things aside, friendships with guys are not wrong. Actually, I would argue that friendships with godly young men during this season of life are a gift and something to be enjoyed. As one of four girls (aside from my two older brothers 16 yrs. before me) I'm very grateful for the guys that are my "brothers" during these years. If we pursue the principles of purity and brotherly love displayed for us in scripture, we can be free to enjoy godly friendships with guys as blessing from our heavenly Father.


*Do you have any questions that you'd like me to try and answer or a topic that I could give my opinion on? Feel free to send them to me in a comment or via email at


  1. This is such a great post. I have always struggled with so many of these topics you are addressing here. Keep it up!

  2. As a 25 year old woman, I believe a guy as just a friend is impossible. Guys these days will go along with you and say oh yeah I just want to be friends. They are not stupid they play games as well, and when they say they just want to be friends they are not being honest with you or their self. I think in group activities is the only way you can be friends with a guy. If a whole group of guys and gals get together.
    I just hope you can hear the truth in my advice, as a girl who wished she would've set her foot down firm a few years ago.
    Especially at your age, you could afford to wait a couple years. Even more than that if you have any unresolved issues from your past.
    I didn't have a real father figure and my mother gave me up when i was six. So I really wasn't ready to be in a relationship until I was twenty-three.
    I do have rules for myself however if you'd like to hear them, but they're mainly for friends as potential husbands. Not just for friends. Because I believe strongly that guys and girls can't be just friends because the guy always fall for the girl.
    #1. Is he a Christian. (Really a born again Christian!)
    #2. Do my parents approve?(Your parents most likely love you and only want to protect you.
    #3. Am I physically attracted to him? (very important, don't worry about being shallow, there needs to be a physical attraction to someone you are going to marry.)
    #4. Is he with-in seven years my age.
    #5. Am I mentally/spiritually/emotionally attracted to him?

    I realize not everyone is the same, but I thought I'd offer my opinion. If it saves one person trouble than it is all worth it.

  3. Oh yes! This is something my older sister and I discuss sometimes. We feel exactly the way you do! Thanks for sharing!

  4. Grace, I'm sorry that I have been out of touch lately, and that I have not been reading your blog. I'm still working through my brain. lol. Thanks for this post, i have some guy friends, and this the struggle I come across. How to treat them. So thank you for this very helpful post!